


Let's Make A Door (In Your Heart)

by jisoocheoreom



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Body Dysphoria, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, F/M, First Kiss, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love, M/M, Trapped In Elevator, Yoongi is perfect, limited taekook, limited vmin, limited vmon, love yourself, self love, taehyung is broken, taehyung needs love, yoongi is amazing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23820952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jisoocheoreom/pseuds/jisoocheoreom
Summary: Since he was 5, Taehyung had been obsessed with the idea of falling in love. 19 years later, too many heartbreaks and a broken soul, Taehyung swore he'd never fall in love again.OrYoongi ends up listening to the broken boy about why he doesn't want to fall in love in a trapped elevator.
Relationships: Kim Taehyung | V/Min Yoongi | Suga
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45





	Let's Make A Door (In Your Heart)

He pressed the button, sweater paws having to be rolled up so his finger could peek through and press the down button. Going grocery shopping was not the ideal way to spend your day off but Taehyung had to before Seokjin complained about not having food again.

With a small 'ding', the elevator took a moment before opening up, it was small but gave enough space so Taehyung's low-key claustrophobia didn't occur. Walking in, Taehyung kept his gaze toward the scruffy metal floor that had scratches everywhere. He sensed another presence in the elevator and didn't want to interact with them at all. He pulled his hood over his head and stuff his hand into the pockets of his hoodie, showing off all signals that he didn't want to talk. 

The elevator closed. It was awkward but when were elevator rides not? Few moments passed before the elevator stopped with a loud 'thump'. It shook up and down a bit, Taehyung and the other man losing their stability. He fell to the floor as the other man held onto the bars for support. The light immediately shut off.

"Fuck, power outage." The other man cussed and groaned, Taehyung gulped. Goddamn it, this man's voice was hot.

"This is why I hate this apartment, they never fix this." The other man tutted again, retrieving his phone from his pocket and switching on the flashlight.

"Hey, are you okay?" He asked and extended a hand to Taehyung. He nodded but stood up on his own, not wanting to drag him with him.

"Thanks, uh, should I call someone?" Taehyung asked, still not being able to see the man's face.

"That would be helpful, yeah." He breathed out and his breath hitched a bit because even though Taehyung's black waves hooded over his eyes, the flashlight made him look ethereal. Taehyung took no notice and dialed Seokjin's number.

"Hey, Jin. Yeah, I know the power went out. Um, I'm stuck in the elevator with someone else, yeah. No I'm fine, could you just let front desk know that we're in here? Yeah, thanks. You too, bye." Taehyung hung up and sighed.

"Boyfriend?" He asked suddenly and Taehyung chuckled, shaking his head.

"No, best friend, roommate. I'm single." Taehyung clarified.

"That's good." Yoongi said but widened his eyes and tightened his lips together.

"Shit, sorry. I mean, cool." Dumbass.

"So," Taehyung began some small talk, it's better than awkward silence, "do you live here?"

"Yeah, the penthouse." He shyly admitted.

"No way, you're dad owns the building?" Taehyung gasped, intrigued.

"Yeah. Sorry about that power outages, it pisses me off too. I can't get work done here." He shakes his head, "I'm Min Yoongi."

"Kim Taehyung, room 84." Taehyung accepts the hand this time and mumbles his room number he finally had the courage to look up and now, he kind of wishes he didn't. It's evident enough that this ma- Yoongi, Yoongi was a stunner. Taehyung didn't need this in his life.

"Nice to meet you. We should hang out some time." Yoongi says.

"L-Like a date?!" Taehyung shrieks which scares Yoongi.

"I mean, if you want to..." Yoongi trails off and Taehyung shakes his head.

"N-No, sorry. I don't do relationships." Taehyung deadpans, backing a bit from Yoongi like he was a disease.

"Oh." Then it was back to awkward.

"Sorry."

"Why?"

They both said at the same time.

"Shit, you go first." Yoongi said, wanting this disgustingly awkward tension to be gone quick.

"No, I heard you. Don't be sorry..." Taehyung sighed, "Just why?"

"Why what?" Yoongi furrowed his eyebrows.

"Why do you want to go on a date with me?" Taehyung asked again, looking back up into Yoongi's honey eyes.

"What do you mean why? You seem nice and I would like to get to know you more. Even if you aren't interesting in dating, we can be friends, no?" Yoongi replied, still confused.

"But," He was apprehensive, "Never mind."

"Tell me." Yoongi insisted.

"It's a long story." Taehyung shook his head and shut his mouth. What was he doing? He's known this dude for what, 5 minutes? Was he really going to tell his life story to him?

"I mean, we're stuck in an elevator, I'm sure we have plenty of time." Yoongi chuckled but Taehyung tensed.

"You wouldn't want to know, it's stupid." Taehyung wanted this conversation to be over. One more look at Yoongi's flawless face and he would be a goner.

"But I do, and I'm sure it's not stupid if it's affected you this much." Yoongi persisted and Taehyung sighed.

And it began.

Growing up, Taehyung was obsessed with the idea of falling in love and having a life-long partner forever. 

At the age of 5, he'd already developed his first celebrity crush on a female actor more than 5 times his age. He would sit in front of the screen, honey eyes twinkling at the sight of the admittedly, beautiful woman. His mother found it adorable, silly even, that her 5 year old son was so obsessed with this lady. Taehyung tuned out the world when he saw her.

However, within a few years he had realized how silly he was, watching a 25 year old woman like she was the love of his life.

His first crush came along when he was 8. It was a one day thing, only because he had a silly dream with the soccer-lover in his class, Kim Jisoo. They had gone to the local supermarket and shopped together for groceries, pushing the cart with her hands on top of his. No one knew about this crush because it was insignificant, but it was something. Despite not thinking about it much, Kim Jisoo was someone Taehyung would never forget. He sleek hair what was often tied into a messy ponytail and her missing bottom tooth never failed to make him smile, even though he was simultaneously sporting a pair of crooked glasses at the same time.

Now, his first real REAL crush came along a little later, at the age of 10. Hyun Seunghee was quiet but a bit ignorant. She was infamous in her class as rude and popular. She didn't give a fuck (or in 10 year old Taehyung's words, didn't give a fluff) but was hard-working and diligent. Was it her imperfect but fluffy brown locks that attracted Taehyung to her? Maybe it was her rare smile that shone when she showed it. He'd never talked to her despite being in her class for two years and having an evident crush on her for 1, not talking to her made Taehyung fall in love more. Throughout this stage, there were rumors that she liked him as well. Taehyung tried to stay humble and whispered 'no...' to people who told him with a flaring blush on the apples of his cheeks. He pretended to be uninterested in the topic but secretly loved the attention he received from it. Was this his chance? Was he finally going to achieve his life goal at the age of 11? No, life wasn't that easy. At the end of Grade 6, Taehyung talked to Seunghee for the first time. He was nervous, giddy. His friend Joshua was with him and Seunghee's friend, Somi too. They were told to paint decorations for the classroom, the four of them. Nothing happened until Taehyung said,

"I don't think that's right." He shook his head with a smile, pointing to Seunghee's messy trees.  
"Uh, yes it is, are you dumb?" Was what he got in return. He looked up in shock, offended before spluttering,  
"I'm not dumb! I have a brain, y'know?!" He huffed. Seunghee and Somi looked at each other before giggling.  
"Wow! News flash, Taehyung has a brain!" His now ex-crush teased and Taehyung frowned before continuing to paint. That was a year long crush down the drain.

It wasn't over that quick for Taehyung. That first heartbreak barely effected him, it was nothing really. The next year, Taehyung fell in love with a boy who soon became a close friend of his, Park Jimin. He had never considered being a with a boy before, but his instantaneous attraction to his new friend said it all. He hung out with Jimin quite a bit. He may not have been in his circle of friends, but Jimin was friends with everyone as well. He was a social butterfly with a great sense of humor but was caring when required. Taehyung remembered watching dramas and thinking of him and Jimin in those scenes. In classes, he tried to sit with Jimin. Jimin was the one, he could feel it. Taehyung didn't want to say it , but he thought Jimin liked him too.

There were countless scenarios where Taehyung showed his interest in Jimin.

On Hot Dog Day, Taehyung wiped off the powder from the bread off Jimin's cheeks in front of his friends, teasing to occur. 

In art class, Taehyung would ask Jimin for help despite knowing how to do it himself.

In digital technology, Taehyung would stare and Jimin endlessly and laugh at every word.

Everyone and their mom knew Taehyung liked Jimin.

But he could on like him for so long.

Days became weeks and weeks became months.

By month 4, Taehyung realized Jimin wasn't returning any feelings. When Taehyung asked if he could sit next to Jimin in math, he said no and sat with someone else.

Taehyung had lost feelings for Jimin.

It wasn't really heartbreak, because Jimin hadn't technically rejected him but, it did take a toll on him. He really thought Jimin liked him back.

Within the same month, Taehyung 'took interest' in another boy in his class, Jeon Jungkook. Jungkook was a video game addict, he sat at the back and made snarky remarks from chem to time. He wasn't every sociable but was a huge flirt and Taehyung loved that. In all honesty though, Jungkook felt like a rebound to Taehyung. To get over Jimin, he used someone else. 

Never mind that however because within the first few weeks after not liking Jimin and liking Jungkook, he had landed himself a boyfriend. It was kind of lame really, Jungkook asking Taehyung out over Skype messages, but it was romantic in Taehyung's 12 year old, love obsessed eyes. He had been waiting for this day, for a lover. It was everything he'd ever dreamed of.

In the early, honeymoon stages of their relationship it was alright for two 12 year olds who had never dated before. Sure, it was awkward and they didn't really hang out. They held hands at the end of the day when passing and normally just conversed over text or Skype, their favorite. They even went as far to celebrate a one week anniversary! Taehyung had given Jungkook a chocolate bar and the latter gave him a bag of candy. It was disgustingly cringe, really. However, this relationship went down hill too fast.

After the one week anniversary, Taehyung had noticed that Jungkook didn't sit with him as often, in fact, only when he was with his friend Hoseok did he come around. He didn't even talk to Taehyung that much, it was always about Hoseok. What made it worse was that Taehyung knew about Jungkook's crush on Hoseok in the past. This went on for a weeks, ignoring Taehyung for Hoseok. He finally confronted him about.

'It's just a joke', he said.  
'Do you like anyone? I won't be mad', he assured.  
'It's okay to like someone else,', he smiled.

It was toxic. It was a mess. Taehyung didn't want to date someone who wasn't devoted enough to him, to the relationship. He knew he was only 12 but he wasn't stupid. He could sense a fucked up relationship when he saw it, or in it. And so, feelings were lost. After almost a month of dating, Taehyung dumped Jungkook. You should've looked at Jungkook's face when he did it, he was actually surprised. Like he didn't see this coming. Like him hanging out with Hoseok and encouraging Taehyung to like someone else whilst in a relationship with him wasn't wrong. Taehyung was better than that. He left him.

The thing is, right after that, he felt better than ever. Dating didn't become a priority anymore for a few weeks, he didn't feel the need to be in love at that time. That was, until Jimin walked back into his love life. It had only been a few weeks since Taehyung had forgot about feelings but Jimin decided to say something, shocking him. When dating Jungkook, Jimin was a bitch. He ignored Taehyung, talked shit about him and blatantly insulted him in front of his face. Taehyung wasn't one to back down, so he did the same to Jimin, fed up with his attitude. But now? Jimin had asked for some alone time with Taehyung.

'I just wanted to say that I like you, and I have, since the first day of school.' A joke, this was a joke right? Taehyung had made it way too obvious that he had feelings for Jimin but he rejected him, talked shit about him and then confessed? It didn't make sense,  
'And, I was wondering if you still liked me.' Oh, so he knew? He knew that he liked him. Taehyung sighed, fed up. He realized this is why Jimin had been such a dick that last few months, because he was jealous, salty. As much as Taehyung wanted to leave, he didn't. Maybe Jimin was afraid or something, there was no valid reason to blame Jimin for something like this.  
'I'm really sorry, Jimin. But I don't like you anymore. We'll just be friends, hm?' Taehyung went in for a slightly awkward hug but Jimin hugged him back. They parted and that was solved. Jimin wasn't overly upset, he never really was. Taehyung was grateful he had a friend like him. Jungkook on the other hand, dated this girl name Jang Wonyoung for a week. Serves him right.

Surprisingly, it took Taehyung over 3 years to like someone again. In this time, he made a lot of friends and was more into the idea of love than ever before. Him and Jungkook weren't on speaking terms but didn't hate each other. He grew older and read more romance novels and watched more movies. He really wanted a partner. He also learnt in this time that he was bisexual but more attracted to males.

Unfortunately, Taehyung learnt something else about himself.

He was fat.

His appearance wasn't nice at all, no wonder no one liked him or none of this crushes worked out, he was unattractive. It began in November. He realized that his friends were smaller than him, leaner, toned. Taehyung was soft all round and short. He hated it. He didn't mean for it go to far but the first time he starved himself felt both like heaven and hell for him. He didn't eat for more than 24 hours and at school the next day, he broke down. He had only done it once but didn't want to live like that. He talked to his friends and they encouraged him that he was fine but he couldn't make himself believe it. From then on, his relationship with food was never the same. It was tiresome, inconsistent. He sometimes would go a week or two with one meal or binge a whole week the next. He normally skipped breakfast and at other times. It was never the same, he didn't understand how anyone else did it.

In December of 10th grade, someone who Taehyung hoped wouldn't re-enter his love life, re-entered.

The infamous Park Jimin.

They were closer than ever. They hung out more and Taehyung didn't realize he was falling for him again until his friends confronted him about it. Hoseok was his number one wing man, trying his best to listen to Taehyung's concerns and give him advice. Hoseok back then, was sporting a 5 year crush on a girl in his church, her name was Bae Joohyun or something. Taehyung knew he shouldn't of, but couldn't shake of the gleaming smile he wore every time Jimin came along. It was no secret that Jimin had glowed up a bit and was more attractive than before. His personality changed too, he made dumber jokes and wasn't as social as before but still was kind and caring when he needed to be. Taehyung was in deep trouble. This second crush on Park Jimin lasted another 4 months. When Taehyung was around Jimin, he felt happier, lighter. He still hated his body but with this new found motivation to lose weight (Park Jimin), he was ready for the world. Meals became easier to skip, excuses became easier to come up with.

Lying became less guilty to say.

However, the Park Jimin effect came to an abrupt halt when he saw Kim Namjoon. It was the next year, Grade 11 had blessed them and Taehyung was more determined to get a partner than ever. Sure, he liked Jimin until mid-March when he laid his eyes on the most amazing man possible, Kim Namjoon. He wasn't someone unknown to Taehyung, because it was his close friend's boyfriend. Through January-March, his close friend, Kim Seokjin and Namjoon had been obviously pinning. Taehyung didn't really get involved but when they finally announced that they were dating, she felt really happy for her. When the athletics carnival came around however, there was a shift in Taehyung's eyes. Who knew Kim Namjoon could be this caring? Romantic? Sweet? At the time, Taehyung was still invested in Jimin, crush still there but when he saw the way Namjoon brought Seokjin donuts and hugged her, a little bit faded. Kim Namjoon was Taehyung's ideal boyfriend, everything he ever wanted. He was perfect. It was a minor crush, very small. He wasn't jealous of Namjoon and Seokjin's relationship, no, he was admiring it. He loved seeing Namjoon say sweet things to Seokjin, it was adorable. Taehyung wanted that. What did happen however was Seokjin not liking that stuff at all. Seokjin wasn't into those public displays of affection Namjoon showed or the way their relationship changed from friends to lovers. Seokjin hated the sweet lines he said and cute gestures he did. Seokjin was the type of person who wanted a lover who was a best friend, but just with cuddling and hand holding. None of that sappy shit like Taehyung dreamed of. So when the couple broke up about a few weeks later, it wasn't a huge surprise. What was a surprise was that the break up was like a trigger for him because suddenly, he found himself falling more and more for him. They rarely talked, Namjoon and Taehyung. They were in many classes together but didn't really interact. Taehyung often just looked at the boy and adored the way his jacket was too big so he played with his sweater paws or the way his laugh filled up his ears and was the happiest thing ever. Hoseok was the only one who knew about his crush, and once again, decided to play wing man for them. Taehyung found himself falling for and more for Namjoon in fact, he was actually in love. Unlike his crushes on Seunghee and Jimin, he didn't feel like he could risk his life for them but for Namjoon? He'd do anything. 

Taehyung's body dysphoria got worse. He gained weight because of the yo-yo effects of his unmatched eating pattern. He had never hated himself more. That April, he hated himself so much. So fucking much. He couldn't understand why nothing was working out for him. He was so determined to lose weight so Namjoon would notice him or anyone to notice him. He needed attention. He needed to be attractive to get that attention. It was hard, so hard. And for the first time he did something. The stinging lasted for a bit before it turned to relief. Doing it made him feel better, less guilty, less worthless. He soon became addicted to the feeling and did it for a week. But then it stopped. He didn't do it anymore. He didn't want his friends to find out let alone his family, that was the last thing he could ever want. 

For 5 months, all Taehyung could think about was food and Namjoon. He would rant to Hoseok all the time about how he wishes he could talk to Namjoon and he always tried to encourage him to. Hoseok was closer to Namjoon and his friends that Taehyung was so it wasn't a complete mess every time they walked by. 

At one point, Taehyung mustered up some confidence to interact with Namjoon.

It was science and everyone had different sheets of paper, some the same as others. Coincidentally, Taehyung and Namjoon had the same one and when Namjoon's was ripped because of his friend, Youngjae, the teacher went around the class asking if anyone had the same sheet as him. Being the fast learner he is, Taehyung had already completed his worksheet and shyly, but quietly handed it to the teacher with a small 'here'. The teacher didn't take much notice and handed it to Namjoon.

'You better thank the person who gave this to you.' He said and Namjoon looked around the class.  
'Who gave this to me?' He announced and Taehyung couldn't have been more embarrassed if he tried to. His face when an unbelievable, dangerous shade of red and and flared up way to quickly for his liking. His ears felt like hell adn that they were about to burn off. Luckily, he hid behind his laptop, eyes closed and whispers under his breath like life or death prayers. Namjoon is sometimes too dumb to notice things.

It was all sunshine until Hoseok came up to him one day.

'There's these people at my church and I need to give advice to my friend.' He began.  
'Shoot.' Taehyung said, not thinking much about it.  
'Person A is good friends with Person B. Person B likes Person C and Person A knows about it but she also ended up liking Person C. What should Person A do?' Taehyung was naive, oh so naive.  
'It depends. C likes A back then they should date, B should let them be happy. If C doesn't like A or likes B, A should get over him because B liked him first.' Taheyung said, logically. If it were him, Hoseok and Namjoon, that's what they should do. For Taehyung, it's romance over friendship. And that was one of the greatest mistakes in his life.

Later that week, Hoseok and Taehyung were in the canteen line.

'He's here!' Taehyung squeaked, spotting the tall mop of black hair that was a few heads in front of them. To his surprise, Namjoon turned around and spotted him and waved. Taheyung waved back.

'Seok! He waved to me!' Taehyung squealed and Hoseok just nodded with a smile. After buying their food, the two went and sat together in a more private area.

'There's something I need to tell you, Tae. I'm really sorry, I didn't mean for this to happen.' Hoseok chuckled nervously. Taehyung bit his lip and laughed too.  
'What? Is it about Namjoon?' He asked, prepared for the worst.  
'Um, yeah.' Hoseok nodded, avoiding eye-contact.  
'Does he like someone? Is he dating someone? Oh my god, did he find out?!' Taehyung gasped, terrified.  
'No! No, he didn't. Um, Namjoon and I are dating.'

Oh.

Dating? Yes well, who wouldn't date Hoseok.

5 months of harbored love and self-hatered.

To find out your close friend is dating, your deep crush?

Yep, fine.

'Oh.' Was all Taheyung could muster out before tears began to fall. It was hard to breathe but the smile on his face still remained. Hoseok hugged him, repeatedly murmuring guilty apologies and when Taehyung couldn't take it anymore, the smile fell and converted into sobs. Was this what Jimin had experienced? Was this true heartbreak? Was this another set of rejection? It hurt, so, so bad. Taehyung was so ready to lose weight again, for Namjoon. But now? He wanted nothing. With his head on Hoseok's shoulder and Hoseok's hands rubbing his back as he continued to apologize, Taehyung saying 'it's not your fault, it's okay' like the naive, forgiving person he was. It was not okay, he hated it.

'We grew closer overtime when I tried to help you get with him. Sooner or later I developed feelings and that when the ABC story revolved around, you said that you were okay if A and C liked each other and that's what happened. Namjoon confessed last week and asked me out. I'm so sorry, Tae.' Hoseok explained, voice dripping with guilt and regret.

'No, it's okay. I'm going to get over him, quick. It was kind of expected.' Kind of expected but Hoseok was everything Taehyung wished to be. Hoseok was lean, sociable. He had a lot of friends and everyone loved him. Taehyung idolized Hoseok, wanting to be him so bad. So it was expected, that Namjoon didn't like him back.

'Namjoon wants to know who Person B is-'  
'DON'T! Please, Seok, don't tell him. He'll hate me.' Taehyung begged, crying again. He couldn't bear to face Namjoon after all this. That day, he didn't eat. He self-inflicted.

In the next week, Hoseok, Namjoon and Taehyung grew a bit closer. Taehyung still not back to his lively self but didn't mind third-wheeling. He felt like shit though, because he was still not over Namjoon despite the fact that he had promised Hoseok he would. Hoseok didn't mind, still feeling like shit about what he had done to his close friend. Through this limited time, Taehyung gained a bit more confidence and assurance from Hoseok.

'He won't hate you, Tae, I promise.' And with that, Taehyung decided to tell Namjoon.

'I'm really, really sorry, Namjoon. I've liked you for 5 months but it doesn't matter now, huh?' A self-degrading laugh was let out.  
'Wow, I didn't realize. 5 months? That's a long time. I'm so sorry.' Namjoon apologized back and the whole ten minutes of talking was just back and forth apologizing.

They became closer after that, even having a group chat for the three of them. It was easier for Taehyung to get over them, realizing there's no point in moping over things that won't change.

Within the next few weeks, Taehyung's parents had constant small fights. They were always like that, and he hated it. But, when they had a fight so huge it lead to his father smashing his phone into the wall, Taehyung freaked out. He was like a deer in headlights when he saw the anger in everyone's faces. Taehyung was so angry, so upset, so pissed. He ran to his room and did something he would surely regret later, text the group chat. He's never in his right mind when he's upset so when he angrily texted to group chat and none other than Kim Namjoon replied, all his insecurities were exposed to him. It was nice, he thought. Namjoon was a caring guy, he thought. He was glad he had a friend like Namjoon, he thought. Hoseok comforted him too. Taehyung was feeling better, he was happier.

'I'm so sorry, you shouldn't need to care about this.' He had texted, realizing what stupidity he had been spitting out.  
'But I do care.' Namjoon replied back. 

In Taehyung's life, he never gets a break, all good things have to come to an end. He can't enjoy anything without something fucking up or himself fucking up. Namjoon stopped. He stopped caring. He stopped texting, he stopped talking to him, he stopped all interactions. And it hurt, bad. When you spill every single secret you have to someone you don't even know well and for them to play you like that, not even romantically but in general, it's embarrassing and hurtful. It felt like Taehyung's nudes had been leaked or someone made him walk naked around the school.

Naked, he felt naked.

But that was just the first heartbreak. Taehyung wasn't ready for what was about to come his way that year.

Within two months, the boy from Taehyung's basketball class caught his attention. His name was Yang Jeongin. He was the sweetest little angel anyone could meet. He had the cheekiest smile and the most angelic laugh. He was so nice and Taehyung was falling for him too quickly. He used to go to the classes with his friend, Gyuri and the 3 of them became good friends quickly. Gyuri was always there to start up conversations and Taehyung was thankful for that because he didn't know how to talk to Jeongin that well without fucking up. When Gyuri left, however. It became a bit awkward between the two. Taehyung tried to keep the friendship between him and Jeongin stable and it was a little shaky at times but he liked him so much, he couldn't lose him too.

On the way to basketball one day, he received a DM, from Jeongin. He blushed furiously, his friends asking why but he was too shocked and his heart was beating too fast to comprehend. Jeongin had texted him first.

'Are you coming today?' He asked, smiley emoji accompanying it. Taehyung's heart was going to burst. From that day, Taehyung decided to be a little bolder with his actions. When high-fiving, the two held hands for a little longer than a high five should last. They always talked and always laughed together. They did so much together and Jeongin was so sweet, never being able to turn Taehyung down for anything. 

Taehyung gained confidence. Jeongin didn't go to the same school as hims so he confessed over DM 's. He was scared shitless but from recent signals, it seemed as though Jeongin might feel the same, right?

Wrong.

'Sorry, Taehyung. I'm not looking for a relationship right now. My last break-up was rough.' Oh. Taehyung's gleaming smile dropped instantly. Of course. There's always something. Life isn't that easy, Taehyung. You haven't suffered enough. You don't deserve happiness yet.

'I would date you if I was interested though.' And that sent Taehyung into a frenzy. So he wasn't unattractive? Jeongin would date him if it wasn't for the circumstance he was in right now, right? He had a chance?

'I'll wait for you.' Was all Taheyung said, getting giddy. The conversation lasted hours they talked about everything and anything until Jeongin decided to say things that made Taehyung blush.

'You know, I was really upset one day but when I realized I was going to see you later, I became happier.' Taehyung wanted to cry because he felt valued, he felt like he was worth something. This lead onto the topic of depression. Jeongin was the first person to oust himself. He said that he may act happy but he has a lot of bad days and sent Taehyung a picture of his arm, littered with lines. Taehyung couldn't help but feel upset yet happy. Upset because an angel like him shouldn't have to live through that but happy because there was someone else who could understand what he was going through. Taehyung sent a picture too.

'Let's get better together.' Was the last thing Jeongin said. And Taehyung felt like he cared, he truly cared. Why wouldn't he? He was going through the same thing, he understood so of course he cared. He wasn't going to be like Namjoon and leave after saying he cared, right?

Wrong.

They talked for a few weeks but Jeongin's responses became shorter and less frequent. He even left him on read sometimes. Taehyung felt played, again, a fool. He was so embarrassed. Why do they do this every time? Does it scare them that after Taehyung tells things bout him that they get afraid and leave, is that what it is? It has to be. He was so mad, so pissed. This was the second time he experienced heartbreak, so why did this one hurt more than before? He should be used to the feeling. Maybe it's because he was lead on. Jeongin told him that he had a chance and Taehyung said he would wait for that chance. Jeongin was so sweet it was sickening. He was too nice to say no so he lead him on. Taehyung felt naked, again. He hated this. He didn't want this anymore. He didn't want to have this happen to him again. He just had to be careful.

Starved, binged, cried and harmed.

Hoseok and Namjoon ended up breaking up after a couple months.

We all thought it was over. That Taehyung would learn and stop chasing after boys who say that they care and end up not. 

We thought.

Because there's one boy who Taehyung seems to be more infatuated with than love itself.

Park Jimin.

He doesn't know what it is, but every times he says he's done, Park comes around and shoves himself back in his fragile heart.

This time, Taehyung was not going to back down. He was going to have a crush on Park and not tell him anything about himself. He was going to lose weight and look better so options are open. He was going to be the best version of Taehyung there could ever be.

Life hated Taehyung with a burning passion. Nothing ever went right and decided to fuck with him one more time.

'Tae, do you like anyone?' Jimin suddenly asked one day, surprising Taehyung. He was getting flustered but couldn't wipe the smile off his face.  
'Maybe...' He teased.  
'Can you tell me who it is?' Jimin sounded urgent.  
'Why?' Taehyung continued, not wanting to get his hopes up but couldn't help it.  
'Because they might like you back!' He exclaimed and Taehyung just giggled, walking off with a wave of his hand.

Taehyung immediately told Seokjin about it, after the incident with Hoseok and Namjoon, Taehyung had gotten closer to Seokjin.

'You have a chance! I'm rooting for you!' Seokjin said as Taehyung blushed, maybe he really did have a chance.

Walking into school the next day, Taehyung had never felt happier.

'Hey, Taehyung, can I talk to you?' Oh, Seungwoo. Seungwoo and Taehyung weren't good friends in fact, Seungwoo always knew how to get on Taehyung's nerves. He annoyed him often and Taehyung wasn't a big fan of it.  
'Uh, sure.' He stood.  
'I mean, in private.' Taehyung had a bad, bad feeling about this. If it what he though it was, he was going to break.  
'What's up?' Taehyung asked, trying to hide his nervousness.  
'I like you.'

Taehyung wanted to die.

Of course Jimin didn't like him, it was his best friend Han Seungwoo. Why, would this time be any different? Why would Jimin be any different thant the other times boys had rejected him? Because he was his friend of 5 years? That didn't mean shit in the eyes of life.

'I-I like someone else.' Was Taehyung could muster out.  
'Oh, ha, ha. Do you want to go out with me?' Taehyung looked at Seungwoo like he was an alien. He just told him he likes someone else and he was asking him out?  
'No, thanks.' And he pushed past, walking back to his friends. It didn't really effect him. All his friends were like 'what happened?' or 'what did he say?'. Taehyung said nothing until he realized how stupid he had been. How fucking retarded he had to even think for a second that Jimin could like him back again. How? How could he? It wasn't anything knew.

He cried, it was silent at first and for a long time. His friends noticed and comforted him. It was a school day, he couldn't cry. First period begun and Taehyung just had a dried up face of tears but half-way through the lesson, he just started crying again, the tears were unending, leaking. He couldn't stop. The teacher noticed and Hoseok walked with him to the bathroom. On the way, however, a panic attack began. He was hyperventilating, sobbing, unable to breathe again. He kept repeating 'i'm going to die' and cussing like no tomorrow. When they finally reached the bathroom Taehyung let it all out. All the pent up anger, sadness, everything he had held back for the last year until his throat ran dry. It was hell. He hated himself so, so much. Nothing was ever going to go right for him. He hated everything. Hoseok tried to give him advice but Taehyung couldn't process anything except for the fact that he was going to die alone with no one to love him. 

Soon, Taehyung found out that Namjoon wasn't the sweet boy he thought he was. After spilling his feelings to him that night, feeling like an embarrassed wreck, Namjoon talked shit about Taehyung to his friends behind his back.

Taehyung found out months later that Namjoon said he was 'desperate' and 'all of Taehyung's friends are like that'.

After everything Taehyung told him, that's what he got in return? Bullshit. Fucking bullshit.

The final straw occurred a month later. Taehyung had calmed down and Jimin seemed like he still hadn't noticed his crush on him that was slowly fading but Taehyung was sure he knew. Jimin began to avoid him, act colder. He didn't talk to him in art and never reacted to anything he said. It hurt like a bitch and Taehyung just wanted everything to be back to normal. When he didn't fuck up all his relationships with his ex-crushes and just be friends with them all again.

He did it again but this time, it was bad. He couldn't keep it to himself. Blood was seeping and he regretted it so bad.

Jimin. Call Jimin.

That was stupid, why would he do that? Jimin wasn't going to care, like Namjoon and Jeongin, he wasn't going to fucking care. He hated him, didn't he see you he was acting lately? He hated Taehyung.

But Jimin is different, is he not? He's your friend. For 5 years, don't you trust him?

He gave in to his devils and rung Jimin's number with shaky hands.

'Hello?' The voice that Taehyung used to dream over was heard but it was just scary at this point.  
'D-Do you hate m-me?' Was all the whisper in Taehyung's croaky, trembling voice could spit out.  
'No, why would I hate you?!' Jimin exclaimed, sounding offended but Taehyung just stayed quiet.  
'Hello? Taehyung? Is everything okay?' And Taehyung just hung up, regretting calling him.

He should've just kept Jimin out of it, Jimin didn't need to get involved but like the attention seeking whore he was, he got Jimin involved.

Jimin called him again but Taehyung just stared at it dully before letting ti ring out. He didn't want to talk.

Seokjin called though, and Taehyung picked up. He spilled everything to him. Seokjin already knew about his coping mechanisms, he did it too.

Taehyung cried himself to sleep that night.

He woke up the next morning and quickly sent Jimin a message about ignoring the call, it was an accident and stupid.

Jimin didn't listen. He pressed on. Seokjin had told Hoseok and Hoseok had told Jimin. Jimin knew about the scars.  
'Why don't you tell your friends? They're worried about you.'  
'You should really get professional help.'  
'I care Taehyung, I do.'

Lies. That last line is always a fucking line. They always fucking say that.

'Shut up. You don't care, no one ever fucking cares and you know it Jimin. I'm not falling for it this time. Namjoon and Jeongin both said that they cared and I don't even look at them anymore.' Taehyung typed back, furious. All he wanted them to do was stop lying for a second.

But Jimin persisted. Oh how he persisted that he cared and Taehyung tried so hard, so fucking hard not to believe. But he did. And when they returned to school the next year, 12th grade, Jimin didn't talk to him for the first month.

Because he fucking cared.

And that was that. Taehyung had enough. Love was pointless, a lie, even basic relationships are lies. Why should he try so hard to find love when it's clear no one will love him back or fucking care? What's to god damn point? He was fed up.

Taehyung became broken, he was never the same. He lost weight, too much, too quick. He was more enclosed, friends trying to pry hi out of his shell but he didn't budge. All it took were 3 boys to break him, and it happened. He finished high school. He didn't change. From 18 to 24, Taehyung was the same. Reserved and introverted. His past lively and positive personality went down the drain after the heart breaks and all he had done for the past 6 years was watch his friends find love again themselves.

Seokjin and Namjoon managed to work things out and find a line where the relationship would work, Namjoon becoming more mature and apologizing furiously to Taehyung for his past actions.

Hoseok and his infamous, 5 year long crush, Joohyun got together as well.

Jimin was still single and the two of them didn't contact much but were on good terms.

It was like everyone but Taehyung were moving on with their life.

"And that's it." He finished with a sigh, emotions swelling up in him as Yoongi looked at him in pity and sadness.

"What?" Taehyung took notice of the sullen expression, "You gonna say, I'm sorry or I care or something?"

"I can help you." Was all Yoongi said. Taehyung's ears perked up and he looked again at Yoongi.

"What?" It left Taehyung's lips cold.

"I want to help you, learn to love that is." Yoongi smiled, more confident in himself.

"You say that now, but wait until you walk out of my life." Taehyung scoffed. The elevator felt suffocating all of a sudden, like it was mocking him.

"HELP! GET ME OUT!" He yelled, banging on the doors, trying to pry them open.

"Taehyung, please." Yoongi pleaded, words slipping softly out of his lips.

"I'M STUCK!" He ignored him and continued to pound at the metal doors. It was no use and Taehyung began to cry for the nth time that day.

"You need to trust me."

"Why should I?!" Taehyung screamed, "I trusted people I was friends with for years, and they left. And you expect me to trust you? I've known you for 5 minutes and I-"

His breath hitched. Yoongi had grabbed Taehyung's accusing hand that was pointing at him and held it in his own, moving it out of a way before moving so close to Taehyung's face that their foreheads were touching, phone which had the flash light shining, discarded into the corner of the elevator. They hadn't even seen each other's faces properly but knew that there was definitely an attraction between them.

"Get away from me." Taehyung hissed but the blush dusted on his face didn't hide his true feelings.

Yoongi being so close to him felt so right but so wrong. Was love at first sight even real? It was when he saw Jimin for sure, but how much could he trust that?

"Do you trust me?" Yoongi asked, looking down at Taehyung's glossy lips as he moved his ebony locks away from the boy's golden face.

"No." Taehyung gritted through closed teeth. He wanted to but he couldn't, he wouldn't let himself. He had a feeling, an inkling that Yoongi was different. Maybe it's because he sat through the whole story without a change in expression or shift in opinion. Maybe it's because every time Taehyung talked about hating himself, Yoongi rubbed his knuckles instead of sitting there saying 'me too, everyone's like that'. Maybe it's the fact that his eyes were laced with love and voice dripped with honey when he talked to him.

Maybe he was ready to trust him.

Yoongi hesitated but moved in even closer, noses touching. The blush became more apparent on both their faces. One hand that Yoongi had used to hold Taehyung's had now moved to the back of the younger's nape. Yoongi gulped at his sudden boldness but knew that if this is what he needed to do to get Taehyung to trust him and to help him love again, he would do it in a heartbeat. Not for him, but for the mysterious boy with sun-kissed sun being covered with the soulless hoodie that didn't flatter him at all but instead hid him away and for the boy with a facade to mask his real joy when talking about his school days. For Taehyung. They had only met about half an hour ago, but Yoongi couldn't leave the boy like this, not now. And even if Taehyung didn't tell him the story, not ever, would he leave the elevator without asking him out. Yoongi wanted Taehyung to love again.

"Do you trust me?" Yoongi asked again. It was Taehyung's turn to gulp. He could feel the hot breath coming from the other, fanning along his top lip. It wasn't rocket science to know that Yoongi was shorter, but Taehyung felt smaller in his grasp.

"N-No." He whispered again, less aggressively with less conviction this time. The two of them both knew he was lying. Taehyung was just trying to save face.

Yoongi went in again.

Lips barely touching each other, hands feeling clammy as Yoongi fluttered his eyelashes nervously, Taehyung tried to regulate his breathing pattern, claustrophobia climbing in him a little but didn't let it ruin the moment. Taehyung could practically taste Yoongi already even though they had barely kissed.

"Kiss me, please." Taehyung pleaded, closing his eyes but Yoongi didn't budge. Taehyung flared up, embarrassed. He knew it. It was all a joke, another stupid crush that wasn't going to fucking happen. Taehyung looked into Yoongi's eyes again but before he could say anything, scream anything, Yoongi spoke first.

"Taehyung," He breathed out, "Do you trust me?" 

Hesitation, contemplation, sexual tension, romantic greed, pent-up anger, pity for the past, resent for ex-crushes, wishing for better days.

"Yes." Taehyung whispered and Yoongi's lips crashed into Taehyung's strawberry lined ones. It was passionate but sweet. Not sexually heated or hungry but definitely not child's play. Yoongi's hands moved from Taehyung's nape to wrapping around his neck, tip-toeing ever so slightly to match the heights comfortably. In the kiss, Taehyung's breath hitched and he tried his best, not ever kissing anyone before. The sensation tingling through his body made him happy, out of the world, happy and showed through his choked up smile and leaking tears. His hands danced in Yoongi's hair, tousling it around a bit like he'd done it before. Yoongi lead the make-out, experienced but found it adorable when Taehyung squeaked as he himself accidentally grazed his teeth along Yoongi's.

After what seemed like an eternity and a little teasing lip bite from Yoongi, they finally parted, Taehyung heaving a bit to catch his breath and Yoongi admired his swollen pink art.

"F-First kiss-s." Taehyung breathed out as he wiped his tears and smiled genuinely. He felt so happy.

"Could tell." Was all Yoongi said before the elevator began to move again, lights on , shaking. Taehyung yelped into Yoongi's arms before it went down and the doors finally opened to a worried Jin.

"Taehyung! You're alright!" Seokjin exclaimed and hugged the younger, pulling him out of Yoongi's grasp. Taehyung was startled but just hugged his best friend back. He turned around and his mouth hung open a little bit. Yoongi looked so much better in sunlight. He took note of his pale but freckly skin, eyes that he thought were light brown were actually deep, hair messy and lips coated with saliva.

"Wait..." Seokjin suspected, pulling Yoongi out of the elevator and putting him right beside Taehyung before gasping.

"You two made out!" He squealed and they both blushed brightly.

"A-Are you guys dating or something?" Seokjin couldn't believe it. Sticking by Taehyung since high school he'd never thought he'd live to see Taehyung in love again.

"I mean I gues-"

"No, we're not." Yoongi cut off with a small smile and turned to Taehyung who's eyes down-casted under his gaze.

"Yet, not yet at least," He continued which caught both Taehyung and Seokjin's attention, "Tae's been through a lot and shouldn't rush into a relationship. I'm really interested in him and I want him to be with me because he wants to, not because he feels obliged to. I'll fool around. Like Taehyung fooled around for Jisoo. I'll admire. Like Taehyung admired Seunghee. I'll be sweet. Like Taehyung was sweet with Jimin. I'll trust him. Like Taehyung trusted Namjoon. And i'll wait. Like Taehyung waited for Jeongin. I'll do everything that Taehyung had to do so Taehyung can be on the receiving end, he deserves that much at least."

Seokjin smiled and went up and hugged Yoongi, thanking him. Taehyung just smiled with the biggest grin anyone had ever seen. Seokjin did too, over-whelmed and happy at the sight of the smile Taehyung used to sport in high school, one that he hadn't seen in years.

"Thank you, Yoongi." Was all was said before another kiss blossomed.

Taehyung had been through enough, now, it was his turn to be loved.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! There are probably typos but please don't mind them! I had a lot of fun writing it (especially the last scene haha)! FYI, everything that Taehyung went through before meeting Yoongi was a reflection of my life. I altered the ages to make it flow better but I hope you could understand the story line because I've been through exactly that... I hope you all love yourself! I'm trying... <3 Thank you again!


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